Ode to Mandy

My Scottish twin is getting married on the 30^th June and I wont be there to celebrate there big day, which might be a good thing as the picture of a bride vomiting and dancing like a mad woman which is what would happen if I was there is not necessarily a good thing! Anyhow, how better to recognise this day than to take an awesome piece of music by Barry Manilow (!!???!!!??) and give it a twist!

I don’t remember any of that night
Vodka shots as cold as ice
Shadows of a fake tan
My face puffed like a pillow
From vomitin' in the night
The night goes into

Drinkin', just another day
We will be vomiting all the way
Puckin up to my eyes
I see a martini
I now realize
How drunk you made me, oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave some of your space bakin'
I ate it straight away, oh Mandy
Well, you got pissed and didn’t stop me from pukin'
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Standin' with a vodka and lime
Talked about wines so fine
Caught up in a world of shots to timin’

With being sick on my mind
But at least this is rhymin', oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave some of your space bakin'
I ate it straight away, oh Mandy
Well, you got pissed and didn’t stop me from pukin'
And I need you today, oh Mandy

Last night's a dream
We face the mornin'
Cryin' because of too many bacardi breeze
The pain is callin', oh Mandy

Well you came and you gave some of your space bakin'
I scoffed it straight away, oh Mandy
Well, you got pissed and didn’t stop me from shakin'
And I need you today, oh Mandy

My favourite hen!

The weekend I had been waiting for about 18 months was finally here last weekend, what weekend could I be talking about? Well quite simply Kirsten’s hen weekend!

It was going to be a great one, we were having it at our house and Al was send to him parents for the weekend too as it was hens only and no c*cks allowed he he. The theme was quite simply and basic pyjama party with loads of booze! Everyone arrived about 6ish and we got stuck in straight away and everyone brought some food to share around too (its called pot-luck dinner or bring a plate here in New Zealand). All dressed in our PJ’s we played some games, the first one being the Hand Bag Game, where you start with each person taking 3 items from their handbag and placing them in separate paper bags. Then I opened them up and everyone had to guess who they belong to.

Then we played Soap Stars everyone must talk in the style of a well-known character from a popular soap such as Coronation Street etc. At the same time, everyone had to guess the soap characters that the others where imitating. .

We then played one of my favourite games where we made a wedding dress for Kirsten using newspaper and Sellotape, it was so funny we gave her the most hideous dress we could think off, puffy sleeves, big bows you name it we had it!

Two other games we played where the Hat and chocolate game, where you need a bar of chocolate, a knife, a fork, gloves, a hat, a scarf and a single die. If you roll a six you have to put on hat, gloves, scarf pick up the knife and fork and start to cut up the chocolate, whilst everyone carries on rolling. The object is to eat as much chocolate, a piece at a time before someone else rolls a six! And the sculpting game with some plasticine and then everyone had to try to mould different things, which I had already decided what it was going to be and of course some of them were rude he he

We then played the playstation 2 game Buzz, which was a real hoot and we started to play it again when we got up in the morning until the early afternoon he he must be done it’s a great game!

I made a special cocktail for that night too called a Kirstentini and it was made with vodka, cointreau and cloudy apple juice, shake them in a shaker with ice and pour into a martini glass this drink is just to nice to say “oh no I couldn’t possibly have another too” its just so yummy so please whatever you do this summer/winter you must try a Kirstentini!

We did have a very sick hen the next day which is to be expected and wanted no offence Kirsten honey but we got to get you wasted on your hen night it’s the law!

There was also a few other sore heads etc around the next morning and I didn’t really feel like drinking again until at least Monday he he

Latest movie reviews

Posideon………great movie I haven’t seen the original but the original doesn’t have Josh Lucas in it so who cares about the originals! I would give it a 7 out of 10

Brokeback Mountain…………………………I think the only reason this movie got such ravings was because it was controversial rather than it being an awesome movie that said I did enjoy it and I would give it a 6 out of 10.

Jarhead………………………………..This was the kind of movie that showed you the other side to war and the waiting around etc that goes on, so I quite enjoyed it for that reason I like movies that give you a different view, I would give it a 6 out of 10.

Walk the Line…………………………oh my god wasn’t Reece Weatherspoon amazing! I kept saying *snaps* for June (those of you sad enough to have seen Legally Blonde will know what I mean), I really enjoyed this movie and I think his life not that I knew to much about it was portrayed very well, I would give it 7 out of 10.

Palindrome……………………….not the kind of movie I thought it was going to be but I must admit I really enjoyed it although I was disturbed at times but I think that was the good thing about this movie it made you realise that this wasn’t just a movie but actual life for some people, I would give it a 7 out of 10 and that is nothing to do with my religion at all.

State Property………………………….a street gang violent kind of movie which I watched on Sunday morning so I cant feel I can comment objectively on this, so I wont.

The long weekend……………………………..he he how sad am I, I wouldn’t recommend this movie even if you are suffering from temporary amnesia

The Devils Rejects……………………a follow up to the house of a 1000 corpse, I must admit I do something worry is my brain desensitised from horror because it was more disgusted my the wallpaper on some of the walls than I was about the movie, so if you like being scared etc this movie is for you and I would give it a 4 out of 10.

Ode to Al by Eye and Kirsten

For Al's birthday we wanted to make him something orginal and creative so Kirsten and myself emailed each other the next line of this poem so between us both we wrote a wonderful piece!


Happy Birthday to you
You may be 36
But you can teach an old dog new tricks
Sit, stay, lay down are just a few
That shoes are not a thing to chew
And the carpet's not the place to poo

Happy Birthday to you
You’re a shining example of what not to do
Don't give children candy, stop hanging around the zoo
You will look really dodgy and you will make the kids very podgy
And their Mum's will sue

Happy Birthday to you
Your not a splinter in the banister of life
IN fact you're soon to have a wife
Who is never drab and always fab, you’re very lucky
A life without her would truly be very sucky

Happy Birthday to you
Wow how cool Special K is one of your best mates
She even took you to a party in the states
Where you are crispy crèmes the donuts made of dreams

Happy Birthday to Al!!!!

It was Al’s birthday the other weekend so as usual in our house that means we celebrate with friends, food and loads of booze! His actual birthday was on the Friday so I took him out for lunch, that night we went out with the other 6 usual suspects to a go-karting place and have a blast whizzing around the track and crashing! Jase was the fastest with Al coming in second, and then everyone came back to ours for pizza and booze. The next day I took Al away for the weekend to Napier (it was a long weekend too yippee), we did the usual stuff you do up there like visiting some vineyards and eating at very nice restaurants but this time we did something neither of us had done before………………………………….swim with a dolphin! It was a common dolphin and she was as quite as anything and loved to play with you, as she would aim straight for you and when you scream she veers off (she only does it to hear you scream) and she got so close that at one stage I moved my foot so my flipper wouldn’t hit her! Al said it was the bestest present so I was very pleased with myself, it does make me want to swim with the hector dolphins (smallest in the world) big time though. On our last day in Napier we caught up with Stu and Nat at Stu’s parents new house and we went sprint car racing, I was in the car with Al when we spun out and he steered us into a big muddy puddle but guess who got covered in wet mud and guess who couldn’t stop laughing at it! Yes that’s right I was covered but thankfully as we were on hols I had a change of clothes with me, it was funny though!

Lights, Camera, Action

Now before you think I am going to launch into my movie critic mode I’m not what I am going to do is tell you about the movie I made with some friends and some of their friends at the weekend. In NZ there is a thing called 48hours movie festival check out www.48hours.co.nz and basically you are given a genre at 7pm on Friday and you have 48 hours to write, shoot and produce a movie. The movie is 5-7 mins long and you can’t plagiarise. We got Sci-Fi, we were hoping for a mafia type movie but Josh our script writer worked really well with it.

Our movie is basically about a guy called Robin Slade who works as a janitor in a place called body corp, body cprp is a place where human organs are genetically enhanced and synthetically modified he he and Robin needs a liver for his dying Mum. He breaches the security and enters a banned area of body corp, when he gets there he gets into a few fights like all heroes do and he finds out that the organs are in fact harvested from humans and not made at all, he manages to get the liver by killing two robots and they all live happily ever after etc.

The role I played was the face of body corp which means I opened up the movie with an introduction to body corp and what we do etc, I was also the receptionist and the body that was being carved up. I have attached a few photos of me doing these roles.

We all had a great time making the movie and believe you me it was a very long weekend and we were tried afterwards esp some of the production team who nearly worked for the 48 hours solid. The film was shown for the first time the thurs after filming at the cinema in town, so along with the rest of the cast and crew Al, Kirsten and Jason came to see me on the big screen. We didn’t win the contest but we had an absolute ball making the film. I cant wait for next years comp!

How true!

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Ireland sunbathe.

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.
People in Ireland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in
Ireland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.

People in Ireland go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
People in Ireland have a last barby before it gets cold.

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
People in Ireland lick flagpoles.

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
People in Ireland throw on a light jacket.

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Ireland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
Irish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Ireland start saying "It's a biteen cold ...? "

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
Irish people support England in the World Cup

My new career as a movie critic?

I am thinking of changing my career to become a movie critic, in the past 7 days I have seen 5 movies 3 of which were at the movies. First up was Matchpoint and if you read my blog on Mission Impossible all you will know how I feel about the lead man !! I must say all in all this was a pretty good movie stuff happened you didn’t expect and stuff you did expect to happen didn’t, its not often you get a twist like you did in this movie the majority of movies are all fairytale endings etc So what would I give this out of 10, id say a 7. Next up was The da Vinci code, bare in mind I haven’t read the book as I tell you the following…………………………………….what are the critics on about, what are the catholic church on about? The critics slammed the movie, now by no means did I think it was fantastic but I didn’t think it was that bad either, I wouldn’t watch it again and its not a film I would recommend but not one I would try and deter people from watching either. As for the church if they seriously thought that nearly 3 hours of a movie was going to make me question my faith they obviously never saw me trying to get up for mass on Sunday morning with a hangover, not once did I question any of the stuff I learnt about Jesus, the bible and basically any part of my religion. I have always thought it was sad that Jesus never married but only because he never got a chance to experience something so big in the eyes of the church but that’s just me. So in my opinion Da Vinci code get 5 out of 10. Up next was X-Men 3, which I must say is a bit like a blue movie, great effects weak story line J Hugh Jackman is so cool as wolverine and I really really do hope they make a movie of just him. The movie itself wasn’t to bad but they could of done the ending a bit better and I hate the fact they have left it open for another movie, it always annoys me when they do that (its worse than an episode of Law & Order, when all of a sudden the program is over and your left wondering what happened or what will happen) So what would I give X-Men 3, well id say 6 out of 10. The last two were on DVD and they were Looks like Heaven which was cute, funny, quirly and all those things it should have been so girls if you are at home with the flu rent it! The other one was Fun with Dick and Jane, if you can get over the fact that Jim “so annoying” Carrey is in it its not that bad a movie but if you do rent it when you have a cold make sure your cold remedy makes you very groggy!